EXCUSELAND Is Your Comedy Escape From Reality. SPECIAL FEATURES:
IMAGE CRUNCH by Kurt Jacobs;
STRANGE WOOD by Randall Hess;
TOO MUCH COFFEE MAN (Reprint Cartoons) by Shannon Wheeler;
LA CUCARACHA (Reprint Cartoons) by LALO ALCARAZ.
Enjoy your orbit, and leave your fun prints all over the place.
Jordan Margolis and Excuseman engage in a battle of wits over authorship rights to the new novel, “Excuseman Only Tortures English”.
Engineers at Bell Labs’ “Experimental Prototype Information Inter-Web Research Division” are seen here performing the complicated studies and delicate design work that will lead, eventually, to the fully-functional and advanced internet which we know today. Ernest Biddeford and Henry March Turpington, associate engineers, are testing out the newly connected televideo data retrieval equipment, while in the foreground Dr. Wilfred H. Milhouse–head of the Division–observes on the primitive monitor screen as the computing power of 11,500 vacuum tubes and 6100 megawatts of electricity gradually bring into focus the long-awaited first glimpses of dwarf-on-dwarf porn.(STRANGE WOOD by Randall Hess)
Good evening! Well, here we are a week later with Howard Fox’s newest COMICAL WEEK IN REVIEW – and it’s been quite a week for the news, hasn’t it? Did anyone see the Oscar’s last Sunday? Geez, that broadcast felt longer than 12 Years A Slave…. What a week it’s been on the international front. The Pope opens door to same-sex unions. Make that the back door. But you know….in Russia, the people are so happy they’ve invaded Crimea, they’re been heard singing “Putin on the Ritz”…. Would you believe President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize? That’s like Hitler saying he enjoyed his days as a Catskills comic…China says its military will respond to all provocations. OK, OK — you can keep using MSG…. Toronto wants to rid themselves of Mayor Rob Ford. Not a good idea! I don’t know how a city like that could survive without a snow blower…today is the beginning of Daylight Saving Time. So I wouldn’t forget last night, I’ve moved my clocks forward before bed. Now they keep falling off the shelf….”Son of God” comes in #5 at the b.o. this weekend. As expected, it got crucified…last Tuesday was National Pancake Day — Otherwise known as Fat Tuesday. For Chris Christie, that’s just another day…. And in New Jersey, Dove soap offends the state by calling it “The armpit of America.” Residents are up in arms….I stopped in St. Patrick’s Cathedral on Fat Tuesday to take in the grandeur, and a priest slapped ashes on my forehead. I said, “I’m sorry for crossing you up”…did you hear, that customers hate Olive Garden’s new logo, saying it leaves a bad taste in their mouth. No, that’s the food…at the CPAC Conference, Donald Trump remembers the “Late Jimmy Carter.” Nothing scares me more than Trump possibly being right…Ted Turner is admitted to the hospital for observation. Doctor’s said he looked pale and could use some colorization…scientists revived a giant virus that was buried in Siberian ice for 30,000 years. My worst fear isn’t that it wipes out life as we know it on earth — but that Larry King survives to host another show…took her a while, but Rihanna finally learned never to play blackjack with Chris Brown — because every time she said “hit me” he would….NASA warns a bus sized asteroid will buzz earth today, but retracted that statement when they realized it was Chris Christie up on his roof….Miami police have released video of Justin Bieber urinating in a cup. Last time, it was just a drop in the bucket…did you hear that man loses 56 lbs on McDonald’s only diet — Ironically he’s now spending his last days at the Ronald McDonald House…did you know, that oday is Barbie’s birthday? She hasn’t changed one bit in 55 years. Oh wait, that’s Joan Rivers…and that’s this week’s COMICAL WEEK IN REVIEW! Hope you all had a few good laughs!
WHAT THE…. What kind of fuck-wittery is THIS? I told you I wanted an “Ivy League” cut! Not a “Professional!” And parted on the RIGHT! What kind of a butcher ARE you?! And goddamn it, you asshole! I said when I came in here I DON’T USE POMMADE! Now I’m gonna stink of GREASE all day! And… HOLY SHIT BALLS!! HOW DID I BECOME A BABY???!!! I’m gonna sue your balls so hard into your face, there won’t be enough mayonnaise and vinegar on the fucking *planet* for you to ever taste anything but your own *splooge* again! Let’s go, Marge.
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