HAWAII HIGH WAS BARRY BARRY GOOD TO ME

Copyright 2013 by Jordan Margolis

Gregor Samsa had it easy.  It’s a helluva lot easier waking up one morning as a giant cockroach than my world.  I just woke up on the day of my high school Prom, transmorphed into Barack Hussein Obama back in 1979, or as my friends called me, “Barry Half White”.  So for those of you who don’t believe in fiction, all I know to ask is; “Can you dig it?”  (Sorry to disappoint the Haters who thought I was gonna ask; “Hey, where all da white women at?”)

1979 was not an easy year to be noticed, let alone being Barry Half White.  President Jimmy Carter proposed Martin Luther King’s birthday become a holiday, The Wiz closed on Broadway, and Egypt and Israel actually made peace.  Who would have guessed that even bigger history would be made after my high school prom, starting with Disco Demolition Night at Comiskey Park in Chicago, President Carter attacked by a rabbit on a canoe trip, Billy Martin punched out a marshmallow salesman; and oh yeah, Ayatollah Khomeini took control of Iran as 52 Americans were taken custody and held hostage in the US Embassy for 444 days.

But what did I know then, I was just a 17 year old string bean senior with a smile wider than Moon River.  This was going to be the grooviest day in my life, double dating with my best pal and fellow varsity B-Ball player at Puanhu HS, Greg Orme.  Greg’s date was redhead Kelli Allman, while my gal was blonde, of course, Megan Hughes.  Both volcanic hotties were from Hawaii School for Girls at La Pietra, so we knew enough to buy corsages and champagne, which we’d sip at Greg’s house before busting the moves at the big dance.

I can’t tell you what we did afterwards, cuz weed makes me forgetful, (or how far we went, because that’s now classified).   Suffice it to say, if I’d known then what I know now – that I’d become the first Black POTUS, TWICE – lemme tell ya, Michelle would have a bigger Bimbo Eruption Disruption Detail than Hillary ever launched on poor ‘ole Bill.  All I’ll admit is this, or as I now say, “let me be clear”, those really really would have been the days, my friend.  (But believe me, I did OK just as Barry.  Wink.)

Then I fell back asleep, and faded to black.